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How I stopped seeking the worlds approval and stepped into a new life.

Updated: Apr 10, 2020

What I’m about to share with you is the truth. I’m not proud of it, but I’m not holding anything back anymore. For so long I was confused by life, religion and the authority I wanted over my own destiny. And in my inability to control my life, I began to step into depression especially as I lost the ability to control my weight. I know it seems so superficial, but my weight was a prison sentence to me, and I tried to escape it through medication and alcohol. What I’m sharing in this blog is the very thing I wish someone would’ve told me when I was desperately seeking answers to the questions that I couldn’t even articulate, when I was at my lowest. So, here goes…

I grew up as a Christian. I knew of Jesus, but not really about Jesus. I knew 1 bible verse that I had memorized for a church play. But that was about the extent of my faith. This was my reality through college and into my 30’s. And at about the age of 35 I began to ‘Seek’ something greater than myself. But I wasn’t seeking Jesus in particular, but I was seeking something. In full disclosure, I thought Jesus wasn’t cool enough for me. I didn’t want ‘religion’. I wanted something I could relate to. Something that completed me in a way that I could feel myself needing. But I had no idea what it was, nor where to find it. So, I started with EVERYTHING except the Bible. I took the yoga classes, bought the books, subscribed to the theories and methodologies of the New Age movement and I found myself fitting in with the cool moms all around me. Truthfully, I did find something as I listened to the recordings of Ram Dass from the mid-70’s and found myself feeling fulfilled as I took my thoughts deeper. But still…something was missing. And then that still small voice inside of me began to speak more loudly. Above the chaos I began to hear something different. I doubted for a while that I was hearing from God. I was confident I was just losing my mind and needed to get out more. But the ‘voice’ was different and worth my attention. This change in the voice inside of my head seemed to be stronger and more authoritative in getting my attention. And then one day, I heard the v