How God spoke hope back into me.
Updated: Oct 22, 2021
Today I woke up blue again. I’m in a season where I can’t control all the things or the outcome right now. And all around me is stress, overwhelm, and things that caused me to worry. And if I approach each thing on my own, I start to become consumed. So, I add each thing to my prayer list. Prayer is all I can control at this time and it’s my only REAL action at this time. So this morning when I woke up, I could feel a heaviness in my heart. I don’t wake up blue or heavy often, so this was odd for me. All I could think about was how I want so badly to be out of this valley, this difficult season that I’m in, but I know that somehow, it’s necessary. I know that God is taking me deeper; pulling me closer. I know he’s hearing my prayers and that he’s orchestrating big things for my good. But it’s still hard and some days, like this morning, are just hard. As I walked to my office to do my morning workout, I was aware of the fact that I was having random depressing thoughts of all sorts of different scenarios. Thoughts like, “What if my husband doesn’t find a job and we have to move?” And “What if we have to sell our home and the economy takes a dive & neither of our houses sell?” All of these things, all of these fears, consumed my thoughts and made me feel even heavier than when I had when I woke up. As I entered my office, I picked up my 10-pound weights and I began to do my morning burn and brew workout. And that’s when I could sense His presence. God was near me. I could hear and feel his Holy Spirit ministering to my sad, tired, and overwhelmed heart. I felt Him showing me how, when I began seeking him, instead of the gym, and I stepped into just obeying what I was supposed to do each day, that my life began to change. That back then, in my daily obedience, I had no way of knowing that my obedience was really was going to lead me to being thin. At that point in time, my heart’s desire was to finally lose the weight and to BE FREE from the bondage of my weight loss resistance. And the way that I did it was just by obeying what was on my schedule every single day. By seeking him and stepping into the strength to just be obedient. And just like that. A revelation had been downloaded to my heart and I thought to myself, “God is so right!” And just like that, in this 2 second moment encounter if you will, I could sense his presence and I could hear him reminding me of the journey that I’d been on to seek him to help me control what I could not control on my own. Then it was weight loss; now it’s something else. I felt like I went from being in a foggy valley to finally seeing the fog lift just a little. I was instantly filled with a new Hope. And at that moment I realized that HOPELESS is what I’d been feeling all morning. That I was feeling hopeless. So, I continued working out doing everything that I had scheduled myself to do for my Burn & brew. And I just felt amazing as I did it because I started reflecting on the old me. The old me would’ve woken up with that hopeless sense of gloominess weighing on me, and I would’ve just sat on the couch watching morning news, as I sadly drank a cup of coffee. “Look how far I’ve come, I thought.” Just by seeking God and being obedient. So, as I wrapped up my Burn & brew, I grabbed my cup of coffee, and I sat down at my desk to pray. And immediately before I could even express a thought, I heard him say to me, “The enemy tells you what could happen with all the scenarios that you heard him whisper as you walked down to the office this morning. It scared you when he whispered thoughts of having to sell the house. He suddenly caused you to stress and to doubt your situation and you found yourself surrounded in fear. I don’t tell you what my plans are for you because it would frighten you and cause you to live overwhelmed be