I remember trying to lose weight while desperately longing to be able to still eat my favorite foods and drink my beloved Cabernet Franc.
I loved eating all the foods, and I could never turn down a mountain of nachos with the works on it. I enjoyed coming home from my stressful life each day, to a glass of wine. Or three. Wine was my coping mechanism. It gave me what I needed to deal with the stresses of my life. Except it really didn’t. In fact, and I can only see this now, it took more from me than it actually gave to me. And I was stuck. I could not escape the wine or the nachos, really. In fact, while I was willing to spend $500 on a weight-loss coach and willing to wake up every single morning to do on-demand exercises in my basement, I secretly only did it so that I could indulge in the things that I loved so much. Nachos. Bread. Wine. The leftover mac & cheese on my kid’s plates. You get it. I wasn’t, however, ever willing to compromise any of the things I had to have. You know; my vices. Mainly, my wine. And, I confess, I also wasn’t able or INTERESTED in giving up the occasional, maybe two or three nights a week, cheats on my diet either. You know what I mean...one bite here followed by a quick bite here. I wasn’t willing to say NO to the things I loved. I couldn’t see it then, but I had made an idol of my wine and food. They both helped me. In my heart of hearts, I felt that what they gave me was more important to me than anything else. The relief they provided was far more immediate than anything else that I had found in this world. If the day was horribly stressed, the minute that wine hit my lips, I could feel relief. If I felt overwhelmed or frustrated or angry or any other emotion, food somehow made it all go away. It made everything better. My food and wine were more important to me than anything else that I desired and/or needed. I was blind and insensitive to my own desires. I wanted so badly to lose weight, yet I idolized the taste & the feelings of fullness and the numbing out at came from the wine. I had great intentions daily, but I worshipped the God of my stomach. My body was the master of my life. Wine was the God of my stress relief. But this was all before God. And the minute I began to seek him, I was able to see the errors of my Ways. No one ever pointed out to me how I had made an idol of my food and alcohol. Nobody; until God. The world & its solutions used to be my answer to everything until it made me lose control over my ability to lose weight. The world’s ways of dieting, seeking refuge in food and alcohol, made me depressed and lonely. My desire to eat was so uncontrollable that I couldn’t stop it and it worsened my depression to the point that I convinced a Dr. that I was depressed, and I willingly began taking a cocktail of antidepressants. I didn’t know it then, but I was depressed because of my weight. I had no ability to control it, and it was the very thing controlling me. My weight stole everything from me. But then something happened. A switch flipped when I saw it from God’s point of view. I went to food for everything. For comfort. For stress relief. To feel love. To experience joy. It was my source for everything. I was blind then. And I was deaf to my own needs or even to what Gods Will was for me. God wasn’t even my desire at that time because I desired and idolized food and wine so much that food and wine numbed my senses from even sensing his presence. I look at it now and I see that my choices were the weapon formed against me. I was allowing my choices to be used against me. The very thing I loved and idolized kept me from knowing God. The food kept me in a constant coma like state, too tired to hear my own thoughts, and the wine kept me hung over enough each morning that I didn’t have time for God. I started each day behind already, starting out in the gym, feeling hungry and stressed before I ever even saw my family. I lived from meal to meal, from glass to glass. But praise the Lord I’m not her anymore! I don’t live in that prison cell anymore. I got out of the trap once I realized that I was in the trap.
I had to do a 180 in the solutions I was implementing and the habits I was practicing. This meant instead of working out every morning, I actually bought and started to read a bible. It meant feeling emotions and then journaling through my emotions instead of eating them. And prepping and scheduling My everything. I could not leave my life to chance because in that space, I would always choose easy. I would always defer to simple. I would always seek comforts of the things I’d idolized the most. While my hearts awakening was immediate the physical change was slow. TRUST ME; I wanted the change to be immediate too, but changing your physical life is hard work! And that is why God had me take notes so that I could create a method to lead women. To help them step away slowly and to step closer to God slowly… Day by day. Psalm 135:15 says, “The idols of the nations are merely things of silver and gold, shaped by human hands. They have mouths but they cannot speak, and eyes but they cannot see. They have ears but they cannot hear, and mouths but they cannot breathe. And those who make idols are just like them, as are those who trust in them.”
If you are ready to stop trusting the idols that you have made in your life, the food and maybe even the alcohol, then consider starting slowly. Trust God’s word more than you trust the things in this world. Accept the fact that HIS timing is perfect. Trust that HE will restore what was taken from you; your health, your ability to say no to the things that you know you should say no to. Give yourself Grace but do it all with a plan. Identify your values and your goals and plan your life around those things! And above all else, prioritize God over your goals and seek his strength to be obedient to your daily plans. If the true God is your God, you will become more like him as you worship him, and not this world. How could that change you? Could you become stronger against temptation? Against your excuses or reasons? If any of this makes sense, what are your goals now that you have this new awareness? Is seeking God one of your goals now? What takes priority in your life? Choose carefully because you will take on the characteristics of whatever you worship…even in weight loss.